Friday, 18 April 2014

Rule #264: Texting and driving

Creating a rule on this one is mute point. It's already against the law. It's the mentality of people that we have to address.

Can I be honest with you? Talking on a phone while driving really aint that bad. But TEXTING is just plain suicide! No one can focus on driving safe while texting. You can't even tell when it's time to go when the light changes.

What can so important that you have to send a text while driving? Nothing! that's what. How do I know this? Well, let's see. Texting didn't become a replacement for actually talking until about 10 years ago or less and people actually got around just fine. I know, I sound like a cranky old man. But there's a reason for that. I AM A CRANKY OLD MAN! And if ye youngins don't get dat galldang contraption outta yer hands when yer drivin', I'm gonna get a ...  piece.... of...... and ..... come..... (looooong snore).
Actually as a cyclist I see it everywhere. From all walks of life. But say what you like, guess which demographic I witness as the worst offenders... I won't say for fear of offending young girls.


Because the rules are already in place to control this behavior, we have to ramp things up.




In the new world, anyone caught texting and driving will have their license suspended for a week. Second offense a month. Third offense is a year.

all young drivers will also have to watch this video.
(although focused on impaired driving, I think it gets the message across)
 
AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!

Thursday, 17 April 2014

Rule #265: Immigration

Immigration is good for the economy. Or so I'm told and I'm not in a position to argue that. I actually believe immigration should not exist. I'm self taught and graduated from the school of the pipe dreamers where we believe borders should not exist and we should all be free to travel wherever we want. No borders. If you want to go to Mexico, you just head there. No dealing with power tripping pushy border guards and the likes.

But here's my beef with Canada and immigration. Could you imagine traveling to Afghanistan and saying "ya know, those things that woman wear on their faces kinda freaks me out, eh. I don't think they should wear them so I'm gonna protest, eh." Well, I hope your last meal was a good one, because it probably was your last. A little harsh, but I'm not against the concept. If you knock on someone's door and ask to come in out of the rain, you don't say "Thanks for letting me in, but this carpet is offensive, get rid of it". Or "your kids are ugly, please remove all picture of them from the walls."

The same should go with immigration. We Canadians are overly nice. And I'm proud of that. But you can't give up your own culture. Celebrate others, but leave your own in tact.

The whole Christmas thing drives everyone nuts. Just because
some radical religious freak speaks out about the word Christmas is no reason to start changing things. The right thing to do is listen, pretend you care, and move on. And this latest story really got me thinking again. A father in Toronto is not allowed to watch his daughter in her swimming lessons because, well here's his words and a link to the story in the Toronto Sun: “I spoke to a staff member and she told me that it’s because of Muslim women, that we’re not allowed to look at them."
This is just wrong. I don't care how they try to justify it and there are hundreds more examples.


In the new world, you will be free to travel anywhere. But you must respect the cultures of the people where you travel.
AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!

Wednesday, 16 April 2014

Rule #266: Global anthem

Check it out!! 100 rules laid down and the new world is looking good! We've solved the prostitution issue. We're working on abortion (we're only 265 rules away from solving that one). I want you all to know how proud I am of you. You kept your head on a swivel, and that's what you gotta do when you're in a vicious cock fight!


In honor of our accomplishments, I think it's time we designated a global anthem to commemorate the construction of the new world! The traditional O Canada and Star Spangled Banner will remain in tact, but there needs to be a global anthem that will supersede all others. This anthem must emulate and represent our rise from the ashes of the old world and into our glorious new land. I have sat upon a mountain top and witnessed many sun ups and many sun downs in order to achieve complete oneness with the land to allow me to make this all important decision.
After careful consideration, (and a couple of beers) I submit the following:


In the new world, our global anthem will be "CITY HALL" by TENACIOUS D!

AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!

Tuesday, 15 April 2014

Rule #267: The idiot law

I mentioned this in an earlier post and I stand by that comment 
(see rule #296: God hates fags)
Cops should have the ability to observe someone doing something stupid, which is not against the law, and say to them: "I understand you're not breaking the law, but you're being an idiot, you're under arrest."

The one problem that will exist is the power tripping coppers. We have to weed them out before we can implement this rule. Cops need to exercise restraint. Especially with drunk people. They have the power. There's no need to throw their weight around.




But say someone's doing something just to piss off another neighbor, the cops need to have the ability to enforce the "Idiot law." I envision it happening like this:
Dude builds an obstacle on his property line, obviously with the sole intention of pissing off his neighbor. Coppers get called. Coppers show up. Dude goes into his rant about how he's not breaking any laws. Copper waits until he's finished. Copper gives him a thoughtful 15 second look up and down and replies: "You're being an idiot. Fix this or you're under arrest." Then maybe people will learn to act like normal functioning members of society. They'll stop and think the next time they just want to piss someone off. 


In the new world, cops will have the right, ability and training to enforce the “idiot law.”
AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!

Monday, 14 April 2014

Rule #268: Over consumption

There are enough resources for human need, Not human greed!
I made that up. Pretty good eh?

With money comes power. And, ultimately, an ability to live above the law. Please allow me to explain:

It's against the law to catch certain fish out of season or in certain locations or in certain ways. However, it's perfectly acceptable for a person of wealth to buy 100lbs of any kind of fish, cook it, put it in a plastic bag and send it to the landfill while people starve.


Rich people say:  "I have enough money to fly to a different exotic location every day"….
Translation:  "I'm rich, so I can pollute your air!"

 
Rich people: "I have enough money to prepare way more food than I need every night, even if I just throw it away"....
Translation: "I'm rich, so I can deplete the earths natural resourses."

 
The rich: "I have enough money to heat my giant pool and 25,ooo sq. ft house that I live in alone"....
The trans: "I'm rich, so I can burn all the oil and gas I want."

We shouldn't allow irresponsible people to aquire wealth. If you

win the lottery, you should have to take a training course on responsibility. With a test. Fail the test... lose the cash!
Here's a good example in four syllabls: 

KAR DASH I AN! Kim and whats her name Kardashian.
No talent
    No contribution to society
        No sense of responsibility... 
            net worth $35,000,000.00. 

I have no problem with people being rich. One of my goals is to aquire wealth. I'd love to win the lottery and be able to quit my job. It's what you do with that wealth that's important. There's no reason anyone needs more than $1 million  annually to live extremely comfortably. I make just under 100K and I'm quite comfortable living on that. Get as rich as you want. Have a trillion dollar bank account if that makes you happy. Just live reasonably. "The Donald" said in his book, and I quote, "I have enough money, much more than I'll ever need, deals are my art form" Fair enough. Continue. But it doesn't give you the right to put a giant marble column on a ship and have it brought across the ocean at the cost of our environment.




In the new world, anyone making over 1 million annually, will be taxed at 95% unless they can prove they can handle wealth responsibly.
And to kick things off, I personally commit, before you all, the entire population of the new world, the following: 

If I ever achieve the ability to make in excess of one million dollars in a single year, anything over the $1M bones, or clams (whatever you want to call it) will go to tax or charity.

AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!

Sunday, 13 April 2014

Rule #269: Hockey fights


Come on now. Are hockey fights really that exciting? If you want to see a fight, GO to a fight! There's all kinds. Boxing, MMA, ultimate fighting, etc..... and of course the ultimate: Pro Wrastlin' (WWE). You aint gonna see no flying suplex's on the ice!

Plus, it just slows the game down. Picture it: you just got a fresh beer, some popcorn and your into a fast paced end to end action game, but... here we go. Domi and Probert (actually make that Chara and Scott Nichol, Domi & Prober would actually be a good one) are about to go and you have to grab your corn and beer because everyone stands up to watch them wrestle a bit and fall over - (actually watch Chara hold Nichols head too far away for Nichol to reach him and then let him fall when he tuckers himself out) 
Real exciting. Now the game has been interrupted and lost it's momentum and all I can think about is how I payed too much for my tickets, how over priced the beer is and the stale popcorn!


  
   Shhhhhh, everyone listen... I think I can hear it now. It sounds like knuckles dragging on the ground. Must be all the Don Cherry faithful's coming after me so they can tell me what a pussy I am! Well bring it on! Of course Cherry supports fighting, how else could he sell another rock em' sock em'?





 In the world, hockey figh..... Ok! hold on! I have to give cred where cred is due... I would actually pay to see the 2 match ups I've mentioned here. But that's it! Other than that, I submit the following...



In the new world, if you think there'll be hockey fights, you're mcSorley mistaken.

AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!

Saturday, 12 April 2014

Rule #270: Custody

Just like divorce, we've done this enough to know how it's done without fighting and getting lawyers involved. What makes it worse is the kids have to get involved. It shouldn't be complicated. If you're both good parents, your kids split time between you. 50/50. Now, if one of you is a bad parent (or a soccer fan), the rules change. If we all put the kids before our own jealousy and greed, everyone would be better off.

Now, in order to create a good system, we need to create a fair system. No more screwing dudes over. How many more good dads does the system have to see pushed to the brink of suicide and financial ruin before we make meaningful change? According to Divorce-Lawyer-Source.com, 70% of divorces involving children result in the mother getting custody. 


If the odds in Vegas were as good as a woman's odds in court, men could quit their jobs and enjoy a never-ending bender on the Vegas dime. We should only need mediators, not lawyers to figure things out. But the mediators need to be trained to consider everyone's interest. Too many men live and work hard just to make ends meet, because of getting screwed over. The mediators of the new world will have a responsibility to prevent this injustice. There's some good advice HERE for separating couples.



In the new world, a mediator, not a court, will hear custody issues.
AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!