Monday, 16 February 2015

Rule #325: Restaurant birthdays

I have bad news for you. Nobody cares that your little sweetheart is about to reach her 7th year on this planet. Think about it. Why, out of 7 billion people, would you think that everyone would want to join in on your bundle of joy's special day? Trust me, I love birthday's, and I've always loved celebrating with my kids. AND, I have been guilty of breaking this rule myself. However, it is in this late hour that I now see the folly of my ways! But you can learn from my mistakes.

If I'm out to slam a few oat sodas because my smokin' hot trophy girlfriend is getting on my nerves and my kids are being a pain in the ass and the neighbours dog won't shut up, the last thing I want to see is an empty beer glass in front of me because every waiter in the joint is dancing around, clapping and singing some annoying birthday song to some spoiled little brat with cake speared all over her face who's whining because she got the green toy instead of the purple one!

There are places for annoying celebrations such as these. Like Chuck E Cheese, or Will E Bees, or Sill E Sams or... whatever. Basically, places people like me wouldn't be caught dead in. So go there and dance, clap, sing, puke, spit, fart, cry, whine, ... actually starting to sound like my parties at 4am.

And people like me will offer you the same courtesy by celebrating at suitable establishments!
In the new world, if your 7th birthday celebration disturbs other adults without kids, you don't get an 8th.



  1. Fully behind this.....Keep birthday parties at home or in a private room. Can't stand when you are talking to someone and you have to wait for a stupid song to finish. Unless of course it's my birthday.....but, if you were really a friend of mine, we wouldn't be in that situation.

  2. I admit that this could be annoying to some but I say that if you know that a particular restaurant is famous for doing this sort of thing (like Moose Winooski) stay the hell away and let the kids have some fun!


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