Thursday, 30 April 2015

Rule #252: Baseball

 
Originally, when I was thinking about baseball, my approach was
going to be the same as soccer. Slam it for all the obvious reasons. No action, boring, yadda, yadda, yadda.... And I've watched it before, ya know! Like when I needed to take a nap, or needed some background noise that no one was interested in. But then it hit me. I finally understand why dudes watch baseball. It's because it's just like being at home. You scratch your balls whenever you feel like it, spit wherever you want. It's just like hanging out in my living room.

  Ball scratchers, however are not worth $30,000,000. The average salary of a professional baseball player is $3.4 million per year. This amount does not include deferred payments, incentives, nor does it include money paid or received in trades for players who have not been released. This compared to the $45,230 per year earned by the average worker in the United States. Personally, I scratch a mean ball! And all I get is a satisfied crotchular region.



In the new world, baseball players will earn a fair ball scratcher salary. I'm thinking around 70K anally.

AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!

16 comments:

  1. You know your right, its crazy how much these guys get paid (all professional athletes actually) I mean for most people sports are a recreational activity they enjoy doing. Why can't I get paid millions to sit around in my underwear, playing video games. I'd even throw in a few ball scratching sessions every now and then if it meant getting paid millions. One thing thou I don't think I would enjoy getting paid anally (Mine is one way if you know what I mean)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If we set up a split screen with a ball game on one side and you playing video games on the other and hooked up a retina tracker, you would get just as much attention as the ball game.

      Delete
  2. I have been to a couple of bluejay games in my life and I will have to tell you that you couldn't pay me enough to go to another one...I would rather watch paint drying on a wall! It makes me sick to hear how much the average ball scratcher makes...it just ain't right!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You have sat through more than one game. You have paid your dues!

      Delete
  3. I find that I have the best naps while my husband is watching the ball game

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I will assume that is AFTER you have fixed him a sandwich and got him a beer?

      Delete
  4. Overpaid? Perhaps. But what would you do if you were offered $30,000,000 to do your job? Tell them "No thanks, I'm not worth that"?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the input. Good point. But first off, I couldn't say that. Because I AM worth 30M.
      Secondly, I am contractually bound by rule #268 to keep no more than $1,000,000 annually. So I would have to give the other 29M to tax or charity or whatever.

      Delete
  5. I think ballplayers scratch their balls as a reminder to the rest of us just how superior to us they really are. I mean, I'd love to be rich by doing nothing more than swinging a bat. BUT If I could also go around all day scratching my balls in public, well... that would be really special, wouldn't it?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're right. It's like saying I'm so rich, I can scratch my balls on national tv. While the rest of us try to act prim and proper.

      Delete
  6. Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
    A .They don't have balls to scratch...

    ReplyDelete
  7. Personally, for 3.4 million I might be inclined to find myself a set of balls and scratch them all day long.
    Having said that, the fault doesn't lie with the players, or the owners, or the coaches....until the general public stops paying the ludacris prices for the tickets and the merchandise and the pay-per-views, etc, etc then the fault will continue to lie squarely on the fans.
    Since I don't see that changing anytime soon I guess I'll just wait until the New World is upon us.

    ReplyDelete
  8. YES! Balls for everyone! But only 251 scratching days left!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Have you considered applying to be a newspaper writer? Extremely wonderful writing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have not, but that's for the idea. And thanks for taking the time to read!

      Delete
  10. baseball or soccer, both players earn so much money.

    ReplyDelete

Agree? Disagree? Lay it on me!