Wednesday, 22 April 2015

Rule #260: Kids on vacation

It's called a vacation... for everyone!

If you like to vacation with your kids, far out, man. But I have some startling news for you. I DON'T like to vacation with your kids. Sorry, dude. I’m sure your kids are fantastic (not really) but I don’t want to hear them scream and throw stuff around like a bunch of animals when I'm trying to relax.
The worst offenders seem to get drawn to the all inclusive resorts like terrorists to a fertilizer plant. Parents seem to think “all inclusive” means “giant babysitting park.” It aint like that. Keep your kids under control and out of the adult pool.

I know what you're thinking "Go book an adults only resort next time, you cranky old bastard.” Fair enough. I think I will. But hear this before I go, just because it’s not an adults only resort doesn’t mean it’s a “kids only” resort. If you want to spoil your kids and let them act like idiots, take them to Disney land or some other place I’d never step foot in. If you wouldn't take your ten year old out to the bar with you, what makes you think it's alright to bring them to the swim up bar?

Then there's the flight home. At least I can get some rest on the 5 hour flight home to catch up on sleep and reminisce over the good times and great memories we just created, right? NAY! After 7 days of avoiding your kids, now I have the unprecedented pleasure of listening to them whine, cry and kick my seat all the way home.
It's called a vacation... for everyone!

In the new world, all kids under 18 will be fitted with a special wrist band that has a small transmitter and if they go within 50 yards of the pool bar, they will receive a small electric shock.


1 comment:

  1. Not to mention swimming with who knows what! You can't tell me the kids under 2 are toilet trained and pull ups only hold in so much!


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