Thursday, 2 April 2015

Rule #280: Double dipping

When did this become a thing? Forget double dipping, I have gone as far as to commit the unthinkable triple dip! And walked away from the table proud and smiling. And since I don't have a problem with it, neither should you, because I'm a major germaphobe.

But what are you supposed to do? When you dip a chip or a carrot, then bite it, then what? The other end needs to be dipped as well. Are we supposed to subject ourselves to a dry piece of disgusting broccoli? Sure you can spin a carrot around and dip the unbitten end. Actually, that sounds pretty easy, I guess that should be the norm. We'll go with that for now. But you can't turn broccoli around. And if someone is caught up in conversation and loses concentration for a second, no one should freak out because the bitten end of a chip has compromised the perimeter of the sacred dip. Especially if you're partying! 

Think of all the disgusting things that go on at a party! Ever play beer pong? How many germs do you think exist on the surface of that ping pong ball that now resides in your beer, which you are now OBLIGATED to chug... avec ping pong ball!! Then there's the dance floor make out session with some drunk chick you've never met before. No problem sucking the tongue of a stranger who may not have brushed their teeth since 1985, but don't dare compromise my ranch dip with what ever evil resides on your outer lip!

In the new world, double dipping will not be frowned upon.

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