Sunday, 17 May 2015

Rule #235: Football players suing the NFL for injuries

Lawyers for former players who are suing the NFL over concussions said that the league has profited from "glorified violence." 

Wow, what a revelation! Too bad the players didn't profit as well. Uh, well unless you consider being paid millions suitable compensation. And it's too bad the NFL forced them to play without the option of getting a real job in a concussion free environment like McDonalds.

David Frederick, who is representing the players, also said that the league knew about concussion issues for decades prior to the creation of the NFL's Mild Traumatic Brain Injury committee in 1994. 

Wow, what a revelation! The NFL knew that smashing your head repeatedly could cause concussion issues, and neglected to enlighten the rest of the world? I better not hear football players weren't warned about grass stains from real turf.

More than 4,000 former players, who claim to be suffering from ailments ranging from dementia, depression, Alzheimer's disease and other neurological problems. Jeezus, I should get in on this. I have ALL those symptoms.

Alright, I thought about ending this entry with these facts. But then I thought, "I'm not coming all this way to pull a Leon Lett and spike the ball on the five yard line! No way! I'm going all the way in and doing the Icky shuffle. So here's my final thought.

You played in the NFL for 10 years and now you're semi-retarded and looking for a way to make some more easy money because you never learned how to make an honest buck and you blew the millions you were given on hookers and blow, or whatever you kids do these days. Forget about suing. You never had a real job. You were compensated handsomely and you aren't responsible with money.

In the new world, frivolous lawsuits like these will not be heard in the New World court.



  1. Wait!......You are spoiling my plan! Soon I will be seeking a lawyer. My claim is that my mind numbing job is slowly turning my brain into potato salad......or is it the beer? Hold on......I see TWO lawsuits in my future!!!! Early retirement here I come!!

  2. Excellent plan. I'll represent you.


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