Saturday, 9 May 2015

Rule #243: Whining & dining

Make no mistake, children are horrible public dinner guests. They're noisy, they smell and have no table manners. Atrocious tippers, too. It’s tough for anyone trying to have a nice dinner while trying to feed and entertain their own kids, but just think how the neighboring diners must feel. They just wanted to have a quiet meal to themselves, not oversee a wrestling match. Not to mention, this screaming, food throwing, devil child could be interrupting a night that is the result of weeks of saving to enjoy a special occasion.

  The problem is parents too often see their kiddies as perfect little

angels, and a restaurant that supplies crayons instantly becomes their playground complete with a personal cleaning crew.  And any restaurant that labels them as a nuisance becomes the target of the "Lulu lemon wearing, you can't tell me where to eat, my kids have rights" group of "nothing better to do, stay at home mommies" that will make the restaurant the focus of a media frenzy.

Servers and cooks also hate having kids in restaurants. The reasons are obvious. they're going to make a huge mess, the table and floor are going to be a disaster area, the check will be lower, meaning less of a tip, and the parents are demanding because they need to shut their kids up ASAP.

there are a lot of restaurants that cater to families. That's where small kids should eat. Unless Tiger Woods is your daddy, you don't learn to golf at Augusta National... ipso facto...  you don't learn how to behave in public by dining in grownup restaurants. While it may be a bad business decision to deny families the right to bring their kids to all restaurants, it's equally insane to allow annoying toddlers into places adults pay top dollar to enjoy with one another.


In the new world, restaurants will be designated kid free, kid friendly... whatever, so going in, we know what to expect.

This is a good idea

AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!

9 comments:

  1. How about a separate room for people with small children like the have in church... oh ya, you wouldn't know anything about that

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  2. Church? Is that a new restaurant? Sounds like a good idea. I'll have to check it out. Do they have good wings?

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  3. See, the problem for restaurateurs is that if they don't allow children into their place, then the pedophiles won't go either... so that's like, two separate groups staying away, and that's like, bad business man.

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    1. I hadn't thought about that. Do Catholic priests eat a lot?

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  4. Agreed. I don't spend $50 a plate to listen to someone's screaming baby, then for added entertainmemt, mom pulls out her boob...

    My favourite, though, is standing in a line of 30 people at Tim Horton's and the lady in front of me picks up little Johnny and says, "now, what kind of donut would you like, sweetie? Chocolate? Are you sure you don't want the one with the sprinkles on it? And point to which one we should get for daddy...."
    She then proceeds to pull out her change purse to pay for the donuts...

    That's really fucking cute.

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    1. Wow! I thought I was angry. I think I just found a surrogate writer when I'm unavailable. If I was witness to that scene, there would be donuts and change flying everywhere!

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  5. Why do you hate kids so much?

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  6. That's a good question Mr. (or Miss, Ms.?) anonymous. Cool name by the way... very original. Any-who... I love seeing kids, at a restaurant or otherwise. But maybe that's because my own kid is ready to start university, so maybe I'm reflecting, I don't know. But Snake has recently blogged about kids at restaurants and kids on vacation, and not liking either, so I have to mirror anonymous' question... Why do you hate kids so much? ;)

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    Replies
    1. I don't hate kids. I love kids. Just not at the bar, on vacation, in restaurants, on the street, at sporting events, concerts, outside when I'm riding my bike... I can't wait to see my kids when the garbage needs to go out, the grass needs to be cut, dishes need to be done, I need a beer...

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Agree? Disagree? Lay it on me!