Friday, 1 May 2015

Rule #251: Dog kids

I'm talking about people who don't have kids. It doesn't matter if it's by choice, circumstance or they're just plain smarter than the rest of us. So what do they do when they get bored of having all that free time? They get a dog. A nice, big, pure bred puppy. Cool. At least it's cool until they start treating them like kids.

Then they want to show you pictures of the doggies and what not. Tell you stories about how the dog looked so cute curled up at the bottom of the bed. Talk to them like they're kids.

I worked with a fellow in this situation. So one day he brings in pictures of his dogs and wants to show them to me. I could not believe he was actually offended when I told him I wasn't interested. I wasn't trying to be rude. I was just busy (and didn't care). So when he asked if I wanted to see pictures of his dogs, without hesitation I replied no. He seemed flabergasted! Then said "Yes you do, here look". Then I had to tell him again. "I really don't want to see pictures of your dogs."

Maybe there's a compromise here. Maybe we can get the best of both worlds. Create a hybrid.... half dog, half child. Incorporating all the endearing qualities of both. Imagine... every evening your kid fetches your slippers, then lays down at your feet. But doesn't bark or crap on your floor, AND  can make their own bed. There may be a problem with walking your son on a leash. Hmmm... better think about this one. Until then...

In the new world, when people without kids adopt, purchase, get a dog.... whatever. It will come with a manual that will explicitly explain "This is not a child, most people will not be interested in your dog" so don't bug people unless they ask.



  1. I would like to take it one step farther. People who treat their pets like humans are a couple of cans short of a six pack. I have seen people dressing them up in human clothes, letting them sleep in bed with them, spending thousands for operations when they get sick. Its crazy to think that most pets get treated better than our fellow human being. I dont agree with a lot of things the Chinese do but having dogs on the menu for dinner makes more sense then dressing fluffy up in silk pajamas.

  2. I just wanted to point out that for those of us without kids, those endless pictures of your human babies sleeping, eating, drooling and basically just sitting there are equally annoying. And no amount of "isn't my baby the cutest" and "my baby is so smart" type shenanigans are going to change that.

    1. I can't disagree with that. Although for close friends, we have to show a feigned interest when it comes to kids. Not because we really feel it. Because they're our friends.


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