If I was a movie critic, I could sum up every movie ever produced like this: Scary movies aren't scary. Dramas are usually boring and unbelievable. Romantic comedies??... whatever dude. Edgy comedies are really your only safe bet. And I wouldn't go to the theatre to see them. When I watch a movie, I want to be comfy with a good supply of fine spirits, lots of snacks and room to laugh my ass off. If you really want someone else to give you their opinion of a movie, wouldn't you want to know something about the person offering their opinion? Because really, reviews are just like, you know, someone's opinion, man.
In the new world, movie critics will have to provide a list of their fav movies as well as the following info: Age, race, gender, education, turn ons & turn offs!
AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!