Friday, 19 June 2015

Rule #202: Beauty pageants

 I don't watch them, but I'm definitely a fan of the highlights. What I think is ridiculous is judging these fine ladies on their linguistic prowess. They should be judged on one thing and one thing only. Hottness! I mean, it IS called a "beauty" pageant, is it not? However, if you can juggle and ride a unicycle while looking hot, I guess that's worth some points as well. What's that you say? Beauty is only skin deep? Well due to the absence of an X-Ray machine, I'll have to go with what's on the outside. What would you rather see? A bikini clad, well spoken Rosie O'donnell, or a barely dressed, dim witted Courtney Stodden? That's what I thought. 

 Take, for example the recent verbal flub from miss Utah in the miss USA pageant. I'd repeat what she said, but I have no idea what it was. Not because she was blathering senselessly, but because I was focused directly where a mans attention should be during a miss USA contest. Squarely on her tits. The only reason I know she wasn't making any sense is because it was in the news. I'm not making fun of her. I won't do that to people unless they ask for it. I'm sure she is a wonderful young lady. My point is, who cares if she can't speak publicly. She aint runnin' fer office. If I was the judge, when she was finished blathering, I'd have said... Fukit, give her the crown.


I wonder if this is what Phineas Taylor Barnum envisioned when he staged the first American beauty pageant in 1854.

In the new world, beauty pageants will be "beauty" pageants. Speaking and other talents will be taken into consideration, but hotness will trump all.

AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!

6 comments:

  1. "You are so wise Baxter..." is all I can say!

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  2. I remember reading somewhere that the Miss Great Britain contest doesn't even include a swimwear round anymore. At which point it turns into a colosall waste of everybody's time.

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    Replies
    1. How true. BEAUTY pageant. I can't understand how that has been misinterpreted over the years.

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  3. I've still got that copy of Playboy. Mmmmmmm...hot Newfies

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