Tuesday, 7 July 2015

Rule #184: Serving alcohol in movie theatres

Why don't movie theaters serve alcohol? If you sit down to watch a movie at home, do you not crack a nice cold beer? Of course you do. And when you go to the theater, do you not sneak in a tiny bottle of your favorite bevie to pour in your coke or fruitopia? Of course you do. How else could you tolerate 145 minutes of Sex and the city? Or 175 minutes of the Godfather. I know, I can see all the armchair movie critics out there sitting up and adjusting the glasses hanging half way down their nose... "I can't believe he just said that about the best movie ever made". Whatever, dude. It's boring and you know it. The whole time I watched it I was like "someone better get whacked or offed or whacked off soon!" I won't touch Failure to launch. That would be like picking on the simple kid in class. The point is, there's nothing wrong with a drink or two while watching a movie at a theater.

 The next time you find yourself in a theater watching a boring chick flick, here's some tips to get you through it:
  • Stock up on snacks
  • Try to spot flaws in the film (if it's a chick flick, you'll find plenty)
  • Look for product placement
  • See how long you can hold your breath
  • Plug your ears and insert your own dialogue
  • And of course, make sure you order a big double of your favorite poison from the theater bar *double caucasian Gary!

In the new world, movie theaters will have a fully stocked bar.
Because beer and popcorn go together like cocaine and waffles.


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