Sunday, 5 July 2015

Rule #186: Proper snacking

How do the pringles people do it? How do they cut each and every chip into the exact same size and shape? And finally, how do they make them taste like shit? First, to understand what Pringles (and other stackable chips) are, you have to realize that they aren't actually chips at all. In fact, the Pringles company once argued that their high amount of processing and low potato content actually made Pringles technically not potato chips. (For those wondering, they made this self-sabotaging argument to avoid taxes. 'Snacks' are recognized as necessary in the UK, and so they aren't taxed. Potato chips, on the other hand, are luxury food, and so they are taxed.) Instead of shaving bits off of a potato and deep frying them, the company starts with a slurry of rice, wheat, corn, and potato flakes and presses them into shape. Mmmmmmm sounds delicious.

 So these potato chips aren't really potato at all. The snack-dough is then rolled out like a sheet of ultra-thin cookie dough and cut into chip-cookies by a machine. The cut is complete enough that the chips are fully free of the extra dough, which is lifted away from the chips by a machine.

 As a chip connoisseur, I can't allow this kind of behavior from our snack providers. As a daily chip consumer, I can't have substandard product being put out on the market. However, I will give them credit for the packaging. The can come in handy.


In the new world, pringle production will be discontinued, mainly because I don't like them.

AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!

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