Friday, 28 August 2015

Rule #132: T.V. Poker

 I like playing soccer. I even enjoy playing a game of baseball occasionally. Hell, I can even kill an afternoon chasing a golf ball around an open field. Of course, there's no way in hell I could ever watch any of these so called "sports" on tv. Baseball and soccer are boring enough to watch, but POKER? At least people are moving in soccer. Have we created a society so sterile that watching people play cards is profitable entertainment? Why not just air a spirited bridge match down at Golden age acres. I hear Gretta wears a low cut moo moo on Tuesdays. To exasperate the bore factor, part of the strategy is to show no emotion. In other words, TRY to be as BORING as possible. There's 2 reasons I enjoy playing texas hold em' with the boys at the Dizzy Bitch.

 
1. You only lose what you commit to in the beginning. No more of those poker nights with the boys coming home with one less paycheck than I left with.


B. It takes zero talent.

 That's right. ZERO TALENT. I can confidently proclaim this, as I have definitive evidence. I have played in a total of 3 Texas hold em' tournaments and I have come in 1st and 2nd in 2 of them. I lost early in the other, but I have no poker skills. I don't even know if trump beats a flush. Think about it. You don't make a lot of decisions in Texas hold em. You get 2 cards that no one else sees. The rest are face up and you can't trade any of them. It's luck of the draw. Period! You might as well play the lottery or indian poker (look it up).

If you insist on televising card games, why not make it exciting? Like have the game on a raft in shark infested waters and play with chips made of raw meat. Or play for sushi in a room full of hungry sumo wrestlers.




In the new world, we will not air boring programming like poker, when we could be showing perfectly good test patterns. Because those patterns aint gonna test themselves.
AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!

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