Wednesday, 5 August 2015

Rule #155: Theft under


 Yesterday I noticed my cool blue valve caps were missing from my car tires. They were pretty cool, but they were just valve caps worth $3.99 at Walmart. Sure, they tricked out my 2007 Toyota Matrix very smartly, I must say. I even sport them on my snowies.
 When I be cruisin' downtown with those valve caps a-rollin' and my jolly roger flyin' off the stern, the bitches be all like "ooooOOOOooooooo". Well at least it's better than the 1984 Buick Skylark I used to drive. Especially after I ran it into the ditch in Montreal on the tail end of a 3 day bender. I told the wife that Reg and I were going to go visit Zeus in Montreal and came home 3 days later with a smashed windshield, grill full of sod and broken front seat after... Anyway, we'll save that for another time.
My point is, when you steal a big ticket item at least there's the possibility of insurance coverage and whatnot. When you take someone's $3.99 valve caps, the victim is not just out $3.99. Now the victim is inconvenienced by having to drive back to Walmart to get replacement valve caps. Now you can add 5 bucks for gas, the potential of having an accident, vehicle maintenance... those valve caps can run you into the million$.


In the new world, if a thief plans on stealing a low value item (like valve caps) they will just leave a sticky note attached saying "I was going to steal these, but true to rule #155, I'm just going to charge you $3.99." So, now you owe the thief $3.99 instead of having to go out and purchase new items.

AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!

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