Tuesday, 4 August 2015

Rule #156: Are you sure?

 Computers are such pompous asses! Am I wrong? If I say to someone in my house "close the back door" and they reply "Are you sure you want the back door closed?" I'd turn around slowly, furrow my brow and say "Gee, I don't know, are YOU sure you want me to punchasize your face?" It just doesn't happen. When you ask for something, it's a safe bet it's because you wanted it.

  So, why the ffffffffuck does the computer have to ask me if I'm sure, everyfuckingtime I make a request? I think it's because computers are getting smarter than us and they're doing it just to piss us off to the point where we're so distracted that they can take over the world. Pretty soon there'll (that's right..there'll) be a prompt for every single key stroke. Typing will go something like this:

F(are you sure you wanted to type the letter F?.. yes) U(are you sure you wanted to type the letter U?.. yes) C(are you sure you wanted to type the letter C?.. yes) K(are you sure you wanted to type the letter K?.. yes) (are you sure you wanted to hit the spacebar?.. yes) O(are you sure you wanted to type the letter O?.. yes) F(are you sure you wanted to type the letter F?.. yes) F(are you sure you wanted to type the letter F?.. yes) (are you sure you wanted to hit the exclamation mark?, cause that's a cuss ya know.. yes) (Are you sure you wanted to put your fist through my monitor? cause that action cannot be undone and you can't afford another one of me ya know)

  It's like computers are treating us like downsie step children. And I'm pretty sure I'm not down with having to date a computer when they take over the world. Man, you thought women were annoying? Imagine dating a computer. "Are you sure you want to drink alcohol with those pills?" yes. "Are you sure you want to ... SMACK! I'd be in the hoosegow more often than not for spousal abuse 


In the new world, the only prompt from my computer will be "are you sure your done looking at porn? It's only been 10 minutes and no one else is home" Hmmmmmm.... ya maybe another few minutes... CLICK!

AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!

2 comments:

  1. it's not that I'm unfamiliar with satire, it's just that you did it wrong. if not for confirmation prompts, this terrible article would've been about the times you accidentally hit the delete button and the evil computer killed your file because it's evil or when your smartphone felt you touched the power button a bit too long and shut down without notice.
    you have failed, please try again. better yet? don't.

    ReplyDelete

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