Sunday, 13 September 2015

Rule #116: Birthdays

 First of all, it seems appropriate to start off by wishing a happy birthday to anyone who may happen to have a birthday today. That makes you a Virgo. Which means...... fuck all! Except that you should be reading this on your couch with a beer and bowl of popcorn; or whatever your favourite snack is. Cause' you certainly shouldn't be at work today. Similar to fathers day, birthdays should be holidays. Irregardless, happy birthday to:
Tim "the Ripper" Owens, Dave Mustaine and Mel Torme'.

 The only problem with birthdays (besides celebrating the fact that you're one year closer to needing diapers again) is the gift dilemma. Everyone scrambles to get presents because they think they have to. So they run to wal-mart and buy the first "this'll get me off the hook" piece of garbage. There's 2 things that can fix this:
#1 is the fact that the birthday person has to take some responsibility. The age old adage of "I don't need anything" is not acceptable. Do the right thing and tell everyone what you want. Make a list. It works, trust me. Can't think of anything you need? Ask for toothpaste, or toilet paper. Or are you telling me you don't need those things? If that's the case, you're ugly and stink like shit.
B) is the time tested standby: when in doubt.. buy booze. The good ol' liqueur store won't let you down. Especially if you're shopping for me. It's fashionable, always in style, aint never gonna hit the landfill and makes for the perfect re-gift if you really don't want it.
Just no cards. Not unless you have something really special to say and need an appropriate medium. 

In the new world, birthday lists will be mandatory, and.. NOBODY WORKS!
Don't tell me this'll aint a word. For Christ sake! I have a lot of work to do.


  1. I would first of all like to say "Happy Birthday Baby"!!! You are absolutely correct on the whole list thing and I have to admit that I am guilty of telling people that I don't need anything but I think it is because I like to be suprised. I guess I will have to change my ways because there is no way in hell that I am not going to be part of the New World!! Cheers!

    1. Is it my birthday? Oh my gosh, I didn't realize.

    2. Must

      That was a very post lol


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