Saturday, 5 September 2015

Rule #124: Baby strollers

In the park? Yes

On the sidewalk? Sure

Disney land? Probably not, but I don't give a shit, I'll never be there anyway.

A restaurant or bar patio... Meeeeeehhh, DEFINITELY NOT!

 Seriously dude, what gives? First off, you don't need to bring a baby to a restaurant. I don't stroll onto a patio bar and make everyone listen to my constant insane blatherings. So why should I have to listen your precious pumpeekin scream about getting fed. And of course, to shut the brat up, out comes mamas teet to perform a good ol' round of breastfeedin'. Cause' that don't repulse no-one.

 Now, if the child stays quiet, cool. No problem. I mean, you're taking a huge gamble with the IF, cause' no matter how quiet that kid stays. No matter how well behaved they are. No matter if they climb off of mammys' jugs and stand on the table, do a newfie jig and buy a round for the bar... that goddam stroller is still going to
be in everyone's way. You know it!

Gone are the days when strollers weren't so intrusive. My kids went through the preschool years in one of those little fold up strollers that were about the size of an umbrella with wheels when folded up. Very unobtrusive. Today, if you put a little motor in these things you could travel across the Rockies. They're like a little Hummer H3. Fully equipped with beer holder, secret pockets and enough room for a 24 pack of diapers.

Then there's the king of the yuppie-fueled entitlement mother-whore SUV society. The double wide! (insert deep echo) Take an already obnoxiously over sized stroller, then make it TWICE AS FUCKING WIDE so that it takes up TWICE AS MUCH FUCKING SPACE. Whatever dude! I said I wasn't going to swear in this one! See what you people do to me?

In the new world, baby strollers constructed beyond certain dimensions will not be permitted in public.



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