Friday, 30 October 2015

Rule #69: Olympic dressage

For the very few of you who may not know (because I'm sure everyone is familiar with it) Dressage is basically horse-dancing.
I shit you not, in some circles it's actually referred to as “horses ballet”. Considered by many to be “the highest expression of horse training.” What this really is, however is a horse rider sitting proudly atop a horse while it dances around. I'm sure somebody finds this entertaining and fun. But an Olympic sport? Hardly.

I wonder who, on the IOC, had the foresight to include Mitt
Romney's ultra-posh sport of choice in the Olympics, yet neglected to include such gems as toe wrestling (yes it's exactly as you would imagine), Dwarf tossing, or my personal fav; Ferret legging? If Dressage is going to be considered an Olympic sport then why not Ferret legging? I'm sure it's more entertaining than Dressage.

Not familiar with Ferret legging? Well, here's the rules as described in askmen...
Rules: Cinch the legs of your trousers so tight that not even the slenderest of farts could escape. Take two ferrets, kiss them in order to induce their fight-or-flight instincts, insert them into you pants and see how long you can stand the panicked little buggers scratching at your thighs and gnawing at your balls. The current world record is held by Yorkshire, England man Reg Mellor, who kept the ferrets down his pants for five hours and 26 minutes back in 1981. If Chuck Norris could play but one sport, I'm guessing this would be it. Nobody is 100% sure of the origin of ferret legging, just that it was popular in the early 1900s, and gained steam again in the 1970s. Currently Yorkshire and Scotland are arguing with each other over who invented the sport first.


In the new world, for every stupidly boring sport in the Olympics there will be one oppositely stupidly hilarious sport to offset. Starting with Ferret legging.

AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!

2 comments:

  1. I'd love to see an Olympics that's all Stupid Sports.

    And you just know the Brits would utterly dominate!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm with you and there has to be alcohol involved. How about drunk dressage?

      Delete

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