Tuesday, 27 October 2015

Rule #72: It's a dogs life

Dogs have it figured out. Know what I mean? They know how to relax. Laying around all day, guilt free. Leaving hair everywhere without feeling like they have to clean up after themselves. I wish I could enjoy that kind of mentality instead of worrying about everything.  If I wake up and do nothing for more than an hour I start to feel guilty. Then I have to get up and do something productive. I feel guilty if I don't go to work, I feel guilty if I don't clean my house... etc. I think most of us can't lay around for an entire day without feeling like we committed a crime. You just don't see that with dogs. When I look at a dog laying around napping. I imagine they're thinking "I'm not getting up unless someone is going to feed me or throw a ball or something."
We humans could learn a thing or two from our canine com-padre's. Like, we have a hard time exercising while dogs are all about the walk. In fact, they barely move off the couch unless it's to go outside and chase a stick, whereas most of us only get off the couch to get another beer. And I don't think I could lay all over someones furniture leaving hair all over it, then just get up, yawn and look at you like I deserve a treat. I'm not saying we should all be inconsiderate to each other. I just think we've developed a mentality of high anxiety. We've taught ourselves that we need to do more, faster, smarter.... and so on. Anytime I've gone to a party and slobbered all over the furniture, I've had to call and apologize the next day. I'm currently dog sitting my sisters dog and he hasn't once made any attempt to clean up after himself or apologize for anything.

The other thing I admire about dogs is their ability to let things slide. It doesn't matter what they deal with in a day. Dogs can take shit for days and all those bad feelings can be wiped out with a "Wanna go for a walk?" or "Want a treat?". Man, I'd love to have that kind of mentality. I could come home from work after getting shit on all day by some asshole boss and instead of drowning my sorrows in a case of beer and going to bed miserable, I'd be able to let it all go with one scratch behind my ears. Yeah, that's the life!

But then I think... "Do I really want to shit on my neighbours lawn, clean my balls with my tongue and hump strange women in the street?" Because I'm only comfortable with one of those things.

In the new world, instead of teaching dogs stupid tricks, we'll take a lesson from them in relaxation. BUT, anyone who humps strange people in the street claiming "Dog mentality" will be arrested.



  1. There is a calming feeling about seeing a very content sleepy dog. Jealousy?....maybe. Tell you one thing. I'd rather hang around a dog more than about 80% of the people I work with!

    1. I hear ya brother. Couldn't agree more. One lesson those 80% could learn from dogs... Loyalty!

  2. "I feel guilty if I don't go to work"... whatever dude!

    1. THIS is when you decide to comment? What about rule #71? I thought you'd be all over that.


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