Saturday, 24 October 2015

Rule #75: Designated drivers

This is a nice concept. Keep everyone safe and happy. Keep impaired people from driving. But it's a totally flawed concept. Designating one of your friends to be the driver for the night. If you're going out with your friends, that means they're probably like you. Ipso Facto... They like to drink! So, someone is either going to have a terrible time standing there watching everyone else get hammered and trying to keep up with all the drunk talk, or sneak a few drinks in and drive drunk anyway.
Have you ever tried to decide on who's going to drive just before you head out? Unless you have a pregnant friend, everyone looks around the room awkwardly, avoiding eye contact until someone jumps on the driving grenade. Then everyone gets drunk and we take a cab anyway. And no one wants to hang out with a pregnant chick, Am I right?
There has to be a better way. Think of all the lonely people who sit at home every weekend because they don't drink or can't afford to go out. They're probably alone because they don't drink. Without alcohol your pool of potential mates dries up quickly. I'm sure a group of people would be happy to splurge for a couple of sodas and a few wings to have a personal chauffeur hang with them. And the driver would be better off enjoying a free evening out. We've gotta find a way to get these people together.

In the new world, the designated driver program will be based on connecting lonely people with drunks who don't give a fuck.



  1. Or just tell your buddy you will give him a ride home in the morning but instead
    give him the "Fuck you Ricky"

    1. What kind of asshole would do that? It won't be tolerated in the new world!


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