Have you ever tried to decide on who's going to drive just before you head out? Unless you have a pregnant friend, everyone looks around the room awkwardly, avoiding eye contact until someone jumps on the driving grenade. Then everyone gets drunk and we take a cab anyway. And no one wants to hang out with a pregnant chick, Am I right?
There has to be a better way. Think of all the lonely people who sit at home every weekend because they don't drink or can't afford to go out. They're probably alone because they don't drink. Without alcohol your pool of potential mates dries up quickly. I'm sure a group of people would be happy to splurge for a couple of sodas and a few wings to have a personal chauffeur hang with them. And the driver would be better off enjoying a free evening out. We've gotta find a way to get these people together.
In the new world, the designated driver program will be based on connecting lonely people with drunks who don't give a fuck.
AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!