Tuesday, 20 October 2015

Rule #79: Football vs Church

I assume the original head of the NFL, Jim Thorpe, neglected to consult God on NFL scheduling. Perhaps he was an atheist.
As a huge football fan, I was always pissed off that all the games were scheduled on Sunday. It made for an exciting Sunday, but if I had plans to be away or had to play hockey I had to miss all the games. Plus, I don't have the cognitive capacity to concentrate on more than one game at a time, so at the most, if I dedicated 12 hours to football, I could only get 3 games in anyway. I always thought they should spread it out over the week like hockey. They're making improvments with Thursday & Saturday games in addition to the Monday nighter, but I don't watch much football anymore, so thanks for nuthin'.
And who the fuck are all these religious running backs praying to when they score a TD? God? What do they think, God is all like "Hey, thanks man. I needed those points to cover my spread." If he's the God I've been taught to fear, he'd be more like "Whatever dude, why the fuck ain't you in church?.. Maybe a good old fashioned dose of cancer will change your ways!"

In the new world, football will be spread out through the week and church will be at 5:00 on Friday afternoons to help keep old people off the streets during rush hour.


  1. Nice hand-off Jesus, you're a natural. Eh-hem...have you ever tried HOCKEY??!!!


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