Thursday, 1 October 2015

Rule #98: Flat head screws

 Since the first known use of a metal screw in 1513, the head has consistently been a single diagonal line known as the Slot head or Flat head.  This design is severely flawed due to the high rate of slippage and the subsequent damage this can cause to the surface being screwed down as well as the knuckles of the screwer.  Slot heads also have a tendency to strip easily and are difficult to remove once a few coats of paint have been applied or a bit of rust sets in.
 It took almost 400 years for the metal screw to evolve to the next level. In 1908, after a particularly nasty accident with a slot head screwdriver, the Canadian machinist, Peter Lymburner Roberston came up with an alternative design. A perfect square centered in the round head of the screw proved to be the ultimate solution to all of the Slot head’s problems. So I ask you, why do slotted screws still exists? They're pure evil. I'm trying to figure out who's behind keeping them in existence, but I can't imagine who would benefit? The only people I can imagine that would benefit is the band aid companies. Supplying bandages for all those knuckles that get gashed trying to force a slotted screw. Come to think of it, why do phillips screws still exist? Not as bad as the evil flat head, but not perfect either.
'Mericans sure are patriotic. They prefer the phillips, while the robertson is the screw of choice north of the border. There's only one righteous screw head, and that's the robertson. Henry Ford knew it. Each Model T manufactured in Canada was held together by about 700 Robertsons. Using Robertsons reduced the production time on each vehicle so significantly that Henry Ford
wanted to use them on his American assembly lines as well. Ford, however, didn’t want to just buy the screws, he wanted to buy the rights as well, and when Roberson refused to sell, Ford turned to Philips.
 Well at least we can agree that the only thing a flat head screwdriver is good for is opening paint cans. The injuries sustained while using this age old style of fastener isn't the only problem. There's the residual effects of throwing the screwdriver across your house when you finally snap after the 12th slip out of the screw head. Now you've gotta fix the hole in the wall you just made, listen to the wife go on about how stupid you are... it just goes on and on. Imagine how simple your screwdriver collection would be if there was just one type of screw head in existence. You would need 3 screwdrivers. Robbie 1, Robbie 2 & Robbie 3. Maybe a 4 and 5 if you're hard core. This would totally simplify the screwdriver and driver bit requirements.

In the new world, there will be one type of screw... the Robertson; (square head)


  1. By God,'s as if your words were a Bu-Ray DVD of my innermost...Fuck I hate Dion Phanuef !!,,,,my innermost thoughts.. These diabolical hell-spawns of a fastener are the bane of my exsistence. Not unlike the Scribes of Old, I pledge my allegience to the proven design of the Robbie. Thank you for finally speaking out while so many others wallowed in their apathy and idleness, willing to say nothing...I applaud you good Sir, take a bow...

  2. Phanuef! Pfffft!
    No need for a bow, just doing my part.

  3. Looking for Flat Head Ford images and found this!!! Laughed and agreed as well as learned something new! My favourite hit from internet hit. well done! Doesn't happen that often and I never post anything like this. Love the spell check telling me that I misspelled Favorrite!

    1. Awesome! Thanks for letting me know. Good luck on the Flat Head Ford search (whatever that is)

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