Man, life was simple when I was a kid. It was so easy to make friends. If you saw another kid playing with hot wheels cars, you could just walk up and say “Hey, I like cars, can I play?” BAM! New friend. If you both happen to like red cars… BAM! New best friend.
Unfortunately, it ain’t like that no more. If you strike up a conversation with a stranger, there is much to consider before officially accepting this person into your circle of friends. Is this person appropriate to have around my kids, are they going to drink all my beer every time they come over, are they line budders or buttchuckers? What if they have a yappy dog? Making new friends is a complicated thing these days.
You have to be especially careful if you meet people at a bar. It’s easy to get a little overzealous when it’s close to last call. You start talking to someone after a few gallons of whiskey and the conversation starts to sound like this; “you like Black Sabbath? No fucking way! I fucking love Black Sabbath! Let’s get together tomorrow and write poetry! Yeah! Where do you live?"
In the new world, there will be an application form for adults to hand out to potential new friends.
AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!