Thursday, 12 November 2015

Rule #56: Remembrance day poppies

OK. So Remembrance Day has come and gone. Now we can get back to taking everything for granted and forgetting about all those who suffered for us. I’m not promoting it, I just think too many of us will do that. Perhaps this year will be different and everyone will prove me wrong. We’ll see.
While I don’t like to talk negatively about anything that is so historically ingrained in our Remembrance Day traditions, there is one enemy still lurking out there that we must wage a new war on. THE FUCKING POPPY STRAIGHT PIN! What is up with that? I lose around half a dozen poppies every November. I buy them, pin them to my clothing thinking this year I’ve got it figured out. And each year, one at a time, they detach themselves and find their way under my car seat, onto the driveway, stuck in my chest… wherever!
Despite nearly a century of technological innovation, every year we still have to get creative with some kind of pin manipulation. This year I actually broke out the pliers to secure that baby to my hat in an effort to keep it secure during the hurricane I had to endure during the Ti-cats game. At least until half time when we headed to the bar for the second half.
It also makes me feel so disrespectful when one detaches itself unnoticed until I realize I’ve been stepping all over it as it’s been lying beside my gas pedal. When I finally discover it, it’s all crinkled and covered in mud... and I feel shame.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who has toyed with the idea that the Canadian legion may be smarter than we give them credit for. Perhaps they know exactly what’s going on here and are quite happy to sell an inferior product that increases sales ten fold. Which could be seen as planned obsolescence instead of inefficiency. But I refuse to believe our veterans are that greasy. I’ll get the new world engineers working on a fix for this immediately.

In the new world, Remembrance Day poppies will be attached with safety pins.

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