Monday, 9 November 2015

Rule #59: Wine jockey's


Wayne Gretzky was a great hockey player. Actually, the best in my humble opinion, thus the handle 'the great one'. I don’t watch golf, but I understand Mike Weir can spank his balls like nobody’s business. And Dan Aykroyd is one funny MoFo. What do all these dudes have in common, you ask (besides being Canadian, of course)? They all have the misconception that their profession makes them great wine vintners.
When I’m looking for local wine, I always see these wines and I think “Because you play golf I’m supposed to think you can make wine?” HA! What a joke. All that name means is that I’m going to be paying for wine, plus a premium for a name. Not only is buying this wine a real leap of faith that my night isn’t going to be ruined by serving some cat piss plonk, I’m also lining the pockets of your already lined pockets. You already made a ton of cash acting or playing a sport you love, now you want to feed off my addiction to alcohol to keep that bank account nice and fat. I see right through your thin veil. That ain't nice man.
Just because you’re a great athlete or actor, what qualifies you as a vintner? I fail to see the connection between sports and wine. As a matter of fact, the two are about as far apart from each other as Rob Ford and sobriety. When your buds come over to watch the game, do they bring a nice chardonnay and a bouquet of flowers… Or beer and a bag of pretzels? That’s right! 
 
In the new world, using your name to shlep products you have no knowledge about will result in public mockery.
AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!

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