First things first. It’s CHRISTMAS! CHRISTMAS tree, CHRISTMAS presents, CHRISTMAS decorations… CHRISTMAS! If you don’t like the word, don’t say it. But stay the fuck outta my face, cause’ nobody wrecks my Christmas but me! If you come from a world where Christmas violates your ideals, perhaps Christmas is a good time for a vacation back home.
The next order of business is gifting. Are all the gifts really necessary? I can remember gifts piled so high, you couldn’t even see the tree. And I aint rich. With low quality shit from China, everyone can have tons of useless shit now. The best gift I can give now is the education of over-gifting. All those crappy toys are just going to end up in the landfill in the New Year anyway. Not to mention all that excessive packaging. I’m teaching my family to scale back. They’re starting to understand that it’s more about getting together and getting drunk with family than it is about gifts. I mean they REALLY ARE getting it. Everyone talks about it, but the mega-gifting still seems to dominate the Christmas theme. I believe we’re at least starting to give it some serious thought. And I have a “nothing from China” rule this year. I guess my stocking will be bare, but I love the fact the kids are actually thinking about where all our crap comes from and why. It’ll be interesting to see what they come up with.
Everybody needs stuff. So if you feel a need to give, get people what they need. Don't feed the over consumption monster. I’m talking about things like butter, toilet paper or penicillin (if you constantly engage in unprotected sex with cheap hookers). Stuff like that. We can make this so easy for each other. Through the magic of email, you can send out an electronic Christmas list. That’s what I do. And what do I want...? Well, I want practical, useful, consumable stuff that we all need… Olive oil, beer, bike chain oil, bottle of rye, soap, bottle of vodka, granola bars, beer, chips, bottle of Irish cream… basically the necessities.
Finally, I just want to say that Christmas is my favorite time of year. It always has been and I hope it always will be. I love the parties, the friends, family and not going to work. This is a time to put aside all differences, get along and be happy. And the one thing I feel strongly about, is no one should be alone. So if you know someone who will be alone, reach out to them.
In the new world, Christmas will be a time to get together, reduce wasteful gifting and no one will be alone.
AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!