Tuesday, 15 December 2015

Rule #23: Cleavage

Ladies, I have to ask you something. What are you thinking when you wear revealing clothes? Don’t get me wrong, I aint complaining. I just wonder what your tactics are. Do you just feel comfortable in skintight clothes that barely cover you? Is it a fashion statement? Are you looking for attention? Because the fact is, like it or not, you’re going to attract attention. So don’t get uptight when you attract the wrong kind. If you’re wearing a push up bra and a shirt that almost reaches your belly button, I’m going to sneak a peak. So is everyone else. We don’t mean no harm, we’re just curious primates. You should be flattered. I don’t think that makes me a pervert – not that alone, anyway – just curious.
If a dude was walking through the mall wearing ass-less chaps, that too, would attract attention. My son and I were walking into Wal-Mart when he was very young. There was a young girl in front of us that had spent too many nights inhaling cheeseburgers and playing video games. Anyway, she felt confident enough to wear tight jeans and a shirt that would have been tight on my 5 year old. So my son – in all his young, innocent wisdom – points at her and says “Ewwwwwwwww”! Certainly not very polite, but I did find it funny. And it proved to me that if you wear revealing clothing, you are gong to attract attention.
Now, if you’re showing off the goods to attract a man, you must be careful. Cleavage is not a high tech weapon to be used by a novice in the “Man hunt” war. It’s not like a laser guided “hot dude” seeking missile. It’s more like an indiscriminate weapon of mass destruction. There will be collateral damage. When you unload cleavage on the street, you may hit the good-looking dude driving the Bentley, but you’re also going to hit the overweight dude at the bus stop, the toothless, homeless guy on the corner and the old lady on her way home with groceries. So be prepared for casualties.
I firmly believe no woman should tolerate any sort of harassment or abuse for what she wears, but you just have to expect a glance from a curios admirer of the opposite sex. Or the same sex for that matter.

In the new world, women will wear what they want – free of harassment, but also tolerant of our glances.


  1. You put it so eloquently, I look forward to receiving my free perving pass in the new world.

    1. Indeed. for now we just have to remember... cleavage is like the sun. You can't stare at it too long, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and look away before you get burned.


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