Monday, 14 December 2015

Rule #24: Airline seat selection


Technological advancements in the airline business have made air travel much better. I’m speaking specifically to the new check in kiosks they have now. Instead of waiting in line to talk to a human about your ticket and seat selection, you can just belly up to a bank machine like unit, insert your passport and BAM! You’re checked in. You can even select the seat you want from a diagram of the plane. This is a flawless check-in system.. IF, you’re the first one to check-in. After that, the system has a major option omission.
When you’re selecting your seat and most of the seats are already taken, what are you looking for in a place to rest your ass for the next three or four hours? A window seat? An aisle seat? Close to the bathroom? Nah, you want to know who your potential seat partners are. If there are 2 seats left on the plane and one is beside a 400 pound lard ass who’s mad at the world because his wife left him due to the fact he almost smothered her in bed and tried to eat one of the children… and the other seat is beside a friendly 22 year old stripper with big tits, which seat would you choose? Unless you’re a cheeseburger salesman, you’re probably going with the stripper. Which happened to me on the way home from Texas last year. But that’s another story.
Wouldn’t it be nice to know a little bit about your seat partner? That way you could forgo the initial formalities and introductions. After you stow away your luggage, turn off all electronic devices, ensure your seat is in the upright position and seatbelt is securely fastened, you can turn to the guy next to you and say “Hi Larry, how long have you been a latex salesman”?
In the new world, airline check-in kiosks will have a picture and short bio of each passenger.
AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!

8 comments:

  1. Ummmm.....is that a picture of the girl that was sitting beside you on your way home from Texas?

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    1. Naaaa... The one I sat beside was HOT!

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  2. I laughed hard at a cheeseburger salesman...I think if I sold cheeseburgers I still would want to sit next to the stripper....strippers eat burgers. That would actually be a good idea. There's nothing like Flying from NYC to LA and the person next to you has garlic sweaty feet breathe....my girl at the time had to sit next to this man and I was passed out. She tried waking me up but I was just out...I finally woke up somewhere over Utah and she looked annoyed....then I figured out why after I was awake...he fell asleep, mouth WIDE open and all of his mouth funk was karate kicking the Fuck outta of my nose! She was like, "yeah well, I've been smelling this since La Guardia so be lucky you only have 2 hours to deal with it...=/

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    1. Hilarious! I've been on both sides of that scenario and the garlic funk mouth karate thing aint fun. I didn't know strippers ate cheeseburgers. That could be a win win.
      Thanks man.

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  3. That's an awesome rule, it wouldn't just be my seat in the upright position for the duration of the flight.

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    1. I hadn't thought of that. But after I finished laughing, I realized I should have used that in this post. Thanks for that, you may see it in a future entry. Well done Ian!

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  4. Sad to say but I am the passenger you don't want to sit beside. Usually because of the drinks I indulge in before and during the flight. I arrive at the airport way before my flight is scheduled to depart so what else am I gonna do......Read a book??? F that!!! It's lounge time baby! No stopping me until I spill a drink on ya!

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    1. There will be tolerances for behaviours like this in the new world. I also have an affinity for the airport bar. Delayed flights are dangerous for me. I'll see ya there!

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Agree? Disagree? Lay it on me!