Sunday, 13 December 2015

Rule #25: Mail delivery

Not rain nor sleet nor hail or clouds or too much sun, or fog… I don’t know how that mail mantra goes, but it’s pretty impressive. And I think they stand by it. I don’t think any weather has kept my mail from being delivered, whilst I, personally look for any kind of weather event as an excuse not to go to work, but that mail.. it just keeps on comin’. However, I have to admit that every time I’ve heard this mail mantra, I thought… “Who gives a shit? This is what the world has decided is the most important service to keep active in any weather?” Take a week to get me my bills if you want. I got time.
Here in Canada, our traditional mail delivery system is in a poor state of disrepair - financially anyway. As far as an actual service goes, it runs like a well oiled machine and purrs like a hungry dog on a T-bone. My mail is at my door every day, without fail. But it seems Canada post is facing a gazillion dollar deficit (I didn’t feel like looking up the real number. I’m comfy in my recliner with my feet up. Actually I guess all I’d have to do is click on the internet and look it up. But honestly, my wrists are in a comfortable position and I don’t feel like moving them. If you really need to know the actual number, comment below and I’ll look it up for you. Or look it up yourself). Ummm… and they’re going to have to cut sixty fifty badillion jobs. This has created quite a stir.
I’m not surprised Canada post is in financial trouble, do you know how much it costs to mail a letter in Canada? 63 cents. And they’re raising it to a buck. Ooooooo a whole dollar! Shit man, raise it to two bucks. Who the hell mails letters anymore? I haven’t mailed a letter in years. And maybe it’ll cut down on a all those stupid cards people send. If you wanna say Merry Christmas to someone, pick up the phone.
Canada post wants to eliminate door-to-door delivery and implement community boxes everywhere. Old people are mad because it’s the only interaction with the outer world some of them have and other people just don’t like change or they’re too lazy to walk. I’m the latter. Plus it gives me bragging rights over my smokin’ hot trophy girlfriend who has to walk all the way down the street to get to one of these community boxes. It must suck living in the projects.
In reality, I don’t care what they do, but the answer seems obvious to me. Raise the cost of using the service (stamps) and reduce delivery to once a week. Done!

In the new world, postage stamps will cost whatever it takes to create a postal service that operates in the black and mail delivery will be once a week. And they can stay home if it rains or sleets or whatever…


  1. Email has certainly killed the postal service. While there is nothing better than getting bills in your mailbox, I prefer the e-bill approach, however, I would still like to retain a little control over when I pay the bills, and reserve the right to use the old favorite, 'your check is in the mail'

    1. E bills are the way to go, brother. Reducing delivery to once a week will make the old "check is in the mail" that much more effective. Thanks for your input.


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