Friday, 4 December 2015

Rule #34: Pregnancy etiquette

The first rule of pregnancy is you don’t talk about pregnancy. Do not ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless you are 100000000000000000000000000000% sure she’s knocked up. It’s like meeting a bald guy and asking him how long he’s had cancer. I am over the line cautious about this. A woman on a train does not want me to be the only person available to help her if she’s about to give birth. She could be standing there with a belly the size of a beach ball and a puddle of water at her feet and I’d be like “I don’t want to offend her, maybe she’s just fat, drunk and pissed herself. I’ll just mind my own business.” 
On the opposite side of the spectrum, you have the baby proponents giving advice to people who don’t want children. I’ve heard people say that they don’t want kids just to have someone reply to them “Oh, you’ll change your mind some day.” That’s not very nice. How would you feel if you told someone you were pregnant and they replied, “Oh, you’ll regret that”? The people who aren’t having kids are probably the one’s that should be having kids. They’re smarter than the rest of us.
In the new world, women who are pregnant should wear some sort of identifier during the first 6 months so we don’t make that embarrassing mistake.
AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!

4 comments:

  1. I love this post! This is so relateable!
    When i was little, i never played house - never wanted to be mommy... When.i was in highschool and we took family education & "married" the guy next to me, we didnt plan a family - we were going to travel the world and be successful business people. When i was in my early 20s and met my husband, i told him i didnt want kids - he said ok. My mother in law said "that's.ok, you're still young, you'll change your mind - it's different when.they are your own". When i got married at 27 and moved in with my husband, i gained a bit of weight (mainly because i was no longer surviving off of kd and cheese and crackers) - i have a bit of a ponch and everyone started asking me if i was pregnant.... Nope, i say, just happy, not having kids. "but you have to", they say "you're not getting any younger".
    Noe i've been married for 7 years. Once in a while, my husband says, "maybe we should have an oops" and i call all of the little princesses i know and we have a sleepover and my husband is jilted back to reality...
    Throughout my entire life, i have always been sure that i dont want kids, but everyone (parents) seem to think that i have to....
    It also doesnt mean i don't like kids - other peoples kids are great. I dont have kids for the same reason i don't have a dog - i like to go away for the weekend, i like to sleep in and anything that comes out of them is gross. (sorry for the long post, but love to rant about this as it is sooooo frustrating)

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    1. I was just talking to Snake about this today....No kids in my life and I love it! Society has said for the longest time "get married have kids". Well, I live MY life the way I want! Not a child hater but it's just not for me......btw, at a wedding once, my dad did ask someone when she was due. She wasn't pregnant. My dad.....drunk. ...just fumbled over some words and left her standing there pissed! To this day he says .....Well..She looked really really pregnant!

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    2. Mr. 4 time champ sr. did the right thing. Not the asking, but the drunk fumbling. What else can you do?

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  2. Ha! Love it! You did the right thing. Kids are overrated. Drooling, expensive, smelly... Man I wish I'd never had kids!

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