Wednesday, 30 December 2015

Rule #8: Sesame seeds

There are many things in this world we could really live without, and as I ponder the list of useless things that are more annoying than useful, I’d have to put sesame seeds very near the top of that list. Somewhere between Left turn lollygaggers and greeting cards. Is it even factual to call them seeds at all? Has anyone ever planted one? What would grow? A sesame tree or a sesame flower? All they’re any good for is falling off bagels and getting stuck in your teeth. And flavor enhancement? Whatever dude!

Think of all the ingredients that go into the making of a Big Mac; Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions all on a sesame seed bun. Now, if you had to eliminate one of those ingredients, which would you choose? Unless you really hate one of those ingredients, the absence of sesame seeds would not change the taste one iota.

I’m actually starting to think sesame seeds are a product of the Nazi regime. Think about it, man. What was the symbol of the Nazis? The SS, right? And what are the initials of Sesame Seeds? You got it! SS. It seems pretty obvious to me. I don’t know what Hitler was thinking when he invented these Nazi seeds, but his plan was obviously successful. We still use them liberally. But we can’t go on this way. The evil seed must be exercised from our diet before we can create a better world. You’ve had your day in the sun, evil seed! Time to say ciao.

In the new world, all resources dedicated to sesame seed production will be redirected to more important causes. Like curing hangovers!


1 comment:

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